I was gone so long that I'd completely forgotten my password and username..that's pretty sad, yet on par with my scatterbrainededness of late. I've lost my keys and credit card and phone (2 of which are still unfound) within the past 2 weeks. This week I've found myself to rationalize staying asleep as much as possible without anyone knowing how much time I'm actually spending in bed when no one is watching. Why is it that everything I do I feel guilty about? I feel guilty for having any fun most of the time. Maybe it's because I don't balance what I want to do and what I feel that i should be doing? But what is it that I should be doing? Only I know the answer, yet can't seem to share that answer with anyone, for fear of getting grief and prodding by those that I hide from.
I'm being vague. Oh well.
Today I've eaten two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a bowl of Capn Crunch and am feeling like I've gorged myself beyond the point of control. My blog has, for the time being, turned into an uncensored rant of what's really going on in my mind. As well it should be right? I mean, who reads this anyway? Anyone I am aquainted with probably gave up looking at my blog for updates since I go months between posts.
Since I spent time in the hospital not 3 weeks ago, I have my family and close friends on the hunt for treatment of my "disorder". These are the times where my gut reaction borders on need for isolation, away from the expectations of others, to a place where me and my head games can play in peace; A place where I'm allowed to not eat as much as I want to.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I still check on ya...this is a quote I came across this morning..." in life you need either inspiration or desperation" and this one " if you do what you have always done you will get what you've always gotten".
ReplyDeletevelleity
n 1: a mere wish, unaccompanied by effort to obtain