yup

Tomorrow is Earth Day so I will plan on spending as much time outside as possible.

I have one other thing that I HAVE to take care of tomorrow for the anxiety about it is mounting and mounting and ramping up to total breakdown, which, if I'd just take care of it, would be SO easy and make my life stop feeling like a pit of destruction. A little mellowdramatic one might say. But, that's how I'm feeling, and I'm not going to make excuses for my need for self deprecation. Why don't I just hop to it and make things happen for myself instead of wallowing in this space of my life occupied by nothingness?

ugh. I completely disgust myself.
I'm probably just as disgusting to anyone else who really knows me. But who really does, besides me?

I spend the majority of my time wasting time.
I look in the mirror and cry sometimes. I'm not who I wanted to be.